Choosing therapy part 2: Yeah, but…
Many of us have a Yeah, but part that responds when we start leaning toward therapy. “That’s all well and good,” it says, “but there are others who have it worse than I do. Let them go to therapy first. They need it more. They deserve it more.” Or it might say, “Yeah, but if I just try harder, things will change. I just need to have more willpower.” Sometimes it says, “Yeah, but I don’t have the time or money for therapy, and anyway, even if I did, there are more important ways to spend my time and money than on me.”
Our Yeah, but parts work so hard to get us through challenges and struggles and hardships. My Yeah, but part is a resilient one, and it’s leant me resilience when I’ve really needed it, resilience that’s gotten me over bumps and through rough patches. I’m grateful for that, and grateful for it. I’m grateful that all of us have these parts that share with us their determination and focus when we need it.
I also want to share with you and your Yeah, but part something that my Yeah, but part didn’t know on its own. (The refresher is good for my part, too.) Here it is:
When you put good into the world, no matter the size of the good and no matter where you put it, you make the world a better place. If you soothe a crying infant or console a grieving friend; if you shovel snow for a neighbor or make a meal for your family; if you help a child with homework or hold the door for a stranger, the kindness you put into the world makes the world a kinder place, a richer place, a place of greater goodness. Yes, the goodness may seem to grow slowly at times; often it doesn’t seem to be growing at all. Even so, it grows greater and fuller and wider the more we add to it. A drop in the bucket doesn’t fill the bucket. But the more drops that bucket collects, the closer the bucket gets to full.
And the same thing holds true for the good you put into yourself. Goodness and kindness turned inward are genuinely wholesome and healthy. Yes, paying attention and putting time into yourself can feel awkward; often we don’t get great training on how to be kind to ourselves, and it takes time to build up our muscles for it. And yes, it might feel at first as though it doesn’t make a difference; it can leave you feeling depleted, not unlike the way you felt when you first ran a lap around a track, or hiked a few miles in the woods.
The more and more you take care of yourself, the better you become at giving and receiving that kindness. So much more good comes of that: you feel better, and have greater access to your innate wisdom and kindness. In other words, as you experience more goodness, you have access to more of the goodness that’s already inside of you, goodness that had been obscured or covered over, and naturally, organically, that goodness flows more freely from you out into the world around you.
“. . . as you experience more goodness, you have access to more of the goodness that’s already inside of you, goodness that had been obscured or covered over, and naturally, organically, that goodness flows more freely from you out into the world around you.”
Whether you’re taking care of your body with exercise, taking care of your soul by building connections with others and with your spirituality, taking care of what ails you physically by going to a doctor, taking care of what aches emotionally, mentally, and existentially by working with a therapist, you are, one act of goodness at a time, making your life better. Incrementally, you’re also making the lives of those around you better, and making the world a better place.
You deserve that, and so does the world.
And so do those Yeah, but parts that work so hard to keep us on track. When there’s more goodness around them and for them, they don’t have to press so hard: they can rest up when rest is available so that their stores are full when we need them again. We will need them, too: they are important parts of the team that keeps us functioning and thriving. We just don’t need them to lead the team all the time, and sometimes, giving them a break is good for them, and for all of us.
